I’m pretty sure I’m screwing up in terms of breastfeeding awareness programs when it comes to little H. We were in a toy store the other day and I saw these magic bottles. I remembered having a bottle like this when I was a little girl and using it to ‘feed’ my dollies. I remembered being awed by the way the ‘milk’ disappeared as I fed the doll.
Little H is very interested in taking care of her baby dolls right now as she prepares to have a real baby in our home. She pushes them in a toy stroller. She puts them down for naps. She changes their poopy butts and she feeds them. Yes. She feeds them with toy bottles. Toy bottles that I bought her.
It was only after watching her play for a while that I realized she’s not going to see me feed her brother with a bottle. Well, at least not anytime soon after he’s born. I hope to breastfeed fairly exclusively for the first six months. I began to wonder if I should try to prepare her for this. Do I sit my three year old down and explain to her that babies can drink from bottles or from their mothers breast? Do I attempt to demonstrate how I’d hold a baby as it eats?
I don’t know. None of this feels right.
Right now she believes babies eat from bottles and yeah…that’s true. Later she will learn that babies also eat from their mothers and that will also be true. I bet there are bunches of books aimed at broaching the subject with the pre-school set but honestly, that’s not my style. I think right now, I’ll let her enjoy her toy bottles. She really does love playing with them and later on, she’ll learn about how her baby brother gets his food.
Education initiatives are a wonderful thing but at this point in our lives I just don’t think it’s necessary and quite honestly I think that sometimes it puts a negative tone on something. “Hey kid, this is a serious subject and we’re going to have some serious education about it. Let’s sit down and talk.” I’m not sure I need to say anything until she sees it for herself and we can have a natural discussion then. This way, I can answer her questions as they come and not worry about pumping her full of info she might not need. After all, I can see her shrugging her shoulders and being all ‘whatever mom‘ about it.
Hmmm. Writing this post has helped me to realize that it’s not so serious after all.
Oy. I’d better save this for her…she might need to show it to a therapist some day…
I had the same thing with E…She loves (LOVES!) her baby dolls and she feeds them with bottles. She was never bottle fed and actually breastfed till 18 months but she has no recollection. Her brother will here soon and she’ll see it all soon enough but I did actually have a conversation (or several) with her about it. She was telling me how she was going to hold the bottle for her brother and I had to explain that there was probably not going to be any bottles…nothing to heavy, just a quick explanation that some babies drink form bottles and some babies drink ‘booby milk’ (her interpretation…lol). I guess we’ll see how it all unfolds once he’s here but for now a simple explanation seemed to suffice.
Beth, I’m glad I’m not the only one in this position with their older child. It’s nice to hear that you’ve been in the exact same place as me with your thought process. I like the approach you took and I’m certain that E will be an awesome big sister even though she won’t be holding any bottles
It’s hard to know how much they really understand right now too…I know H is excited for a new baby to come but she really doesn’t get what that means to her. Thanks for coming by to comment! I really appreciated seeing you here!
You know what I would just wait until the baby comes & if she questions it then chat with her. She may not even think twice about it! All of mine have been AWESOME with breastfeeding but I’m in Cali & my fiance’s son just said DAD TELL JESSICA TO STOP DOING THAT! L’s all what? J says tell her to stop having baby sister suck on her like that! I was so embarrassed! The kid is 6 so I quickly said she is eating. L said you know how baby cows drink milk from their mamas? Well baby humans also drink milk from their mamas. With that said I think if she were older I would explain but since she’s 3 I’d see how she is with it. Wow that was long winded, sorry.
Thanks Jess! I can see the need to explain more for a child at the age of six. But yeah, I can see how it would still be awkward to have to do so! It’s good to know your other kids had positive reactions (or no reactions!) Thanks
I have been through this once before with my first daughter when DD#2 came along. I also found it annoying that most “Big Sister” books had the baby drinking from a bottle… which was not what happened in our house, in fact DD#2 NEVER took a bottle.
One book I really liked is the Usborne books “New Baby” book. the mother in that book actually breastfeeds the new baby and they talk about how often the baby has to eat, etc. That broached the subject with DD#1 before the baby came that like the PP said, some babies drink milk from their mommies and some drink from bottles. DD#1 was also fascinated with my breast pump and wanted to “help” me “pump my boobies.”
My kids were closer in age, as well (2Y3M), and she seemed to be able to get over the fact that different babies are fed different ways. Both my girls are now aware that baby brother or sister will be breastfed.
Thanks for the recommendation on the book! I’ll check it out. And that’s funny about the pump – oh what they must think the first time they see that! LOL
Personally, I think her seeing you nurse her brother will be the best example and education you can give her. Otherwise she probably won’t understand and this may open a dialog if she is curious. For my daughter, she is (so far) an only child at four so I’ve explained it to her through seeing our friends nurse their babies that “babies get boobies”. I also remember playing with those bottles as a little girl, and even though my daughter doesn’t have any right now, I don’t see a direct correlation. I loved them as a kid, but I am a true breastfeeder and know any child I have will be nursed and I would encourage the same when/if she has her own child. Good luck with figuring it all out and deciding what works best.
Thanks Erin! She’s not had the opportunity to see another child being breastfed so the topic has never come up naturally. I agree that I don’t think she’ll really understand until she sees it for herself.
Best, easiest way to handle it, is to wait until the baby is born. And when she asks, explain the baby is too small to drink normal milk from a bottle, that the baby needs mommy’s milk. Presto, done, no issues! <3
Well, aren’t you smart
Thanks Lisa!!
I agree with Lisa! She will see you nurse and then it will just click. After David was born and Lizzie was about 23 months old she started to nurse her babies and I thought that was really cute. David never took a bottle but she would see other mothers feed their babies at church with bottles so she learned about them that way.
I think that toy bottles are ok as long as breastfeeding is accepted and encouraged in the home. The danger (I hate that word, the negative aspect) of toy bottles is when people grow up not knowing breastfeeding is such a wonderful thing and thinking bottles are better but that won’t happen with your little girl
Nope, that won’t happen here! I just feel, that she enjoys the toys so why shouldn’t she play with them? There’s time enough for her to learn all about baby nutrition, just like we teach her about her own nutrition on a daily basis. It’s not all cut and dry – we do let her eat McNuggets from time to time
Once you do it, it will be no big deal and your explanation to her will probably come as naturally as the process itself. She’ll take her cues from you so if you’re relaxed and laid back about it, she will be too.
As a side note … my youngest loved playing with those kinds of cups when she was little!
My kids have the same bottles. I never explained to either of the older ones about breastfeeding. They saw it, asked what I was doing and said ok.
Do whatever seems right to you. Personally, I don’t think it is a problem at all! It’s no big deal, just explain that some moms feed with a bottle and some breastfeed. Toys are for make believe and are usually a pretty inaccurate reflection of reality – remember those weird barbies that “Gave birth” by removing the entire stomach? LOL! Playing with a bottle toy won’t make her anti-breastfeeding as an adult.
No I don’t remember those ‘birthing dolls’ but they sound kinda freaky!! You make an excellent point here that toys don’t always reflect reality. And I don’t think they should either. Thanks for pointing that out!
I’m sure the subject might also come up generically before the baby is born, she might just notice a mother feeding in public somewhere and now that she’s very attune to the whole baby thing, might inquire about it, easy graceful way for you to broach the topic!
I know Lauren was a little younger than Hannah when I had Jillian. Since Jillian was in the NICU, I was pumping. Exclusively. Every 3 hours. So, she saw this. what does she do? She puts the cones of my breast pump on her STOMACH. I said “what are you doing?!” she said “Getting milk for Jillian”. I was like “the cones don’t GO there!” but then I realized, while hunched over my computer pumping, I guess it DID look like they were on my stomach. :p
You don’t need a preemptive discussion — she’ll see you and ask questions when it happens. That’s how it unfolded with my little girl (who was two when her brother was born); it didn’t take long at all for her to understand.
And. . . of course. . . the mimicry set in. Which, of course, I blogged about:
http://followinginmyshoes.com/mommyhood/underage-nursing-in-public/
When she sees you doing it, be prepared. You’ll see her doing it with her baby doll in public. Kids pick the darndest times to imitate us.
I wouldn’t worry about it, too much. If you try to explain now, she might not understand.
My oldest daughter saw me breastfeed my son and giggled the entire time. I explained it to her and she forgot five minutes later and didn’t care. My son NEVER paid any mind to me feeding my youngest. But somehow not too long ago it got brought up with all three of them. My 9 year old was fascinated and asked a million questions, my 6 year old son thought it was gross and my 5 year old daughter vows to never have children! LOL
I think the Usborne books option is a great way to broach the topic!
LOL RE: show it to a therapist. I can’t recall if I thought about this with my second and third children. Of course my oldest I didn’t have to talk to about she was about 13 when her brother was born. We my son was 15 months old his younger sister was born and I didn’t really need to explain. One day he asked if the baby was drinking milk. I said, “Yes, you want some?” He got up and walked away and say, “No!” We later – and still do -talk about babies, what mommy’s breast are really for and so forth. I don’t think I had a convo about it with him and his sister when the youngest one (Anna) came along two years after that. But we’ve talked about it…
You’re right, it isn’t as big a deal as that. I loved those bottles as a kid and she’ll quickly put two and two (or boob and boob. LOL) together whenever you decide to wean or supplement. Happy magic bottling ’til then.
Personally I waited for the topic to arise before I explained it to my little guy. It comes so natural and casual that they realize it’s just the norm. DOn’t worry about it. You’ll do great mom
honestly, I am in the camp that you should just breastfeed the baby and when she asks what you are doing, you tell her.
She’ll pick up on what you are doing really quickly and then you’ll be begging her to keep her shirt on lol
Don’t worry it will be natural, and she’ll know that there is more than one way to feed a baby!