As a Canadian gal, there are many things I do to survive the winter temperatures of the great white north. These techniques are severely backfiring on me now that it’s summer – and I’m preggo. For those of you of the male variety, being pregnant increases your body temp as well as your inability to handle being over heated resulting in severe ‘bitchiness’ according to a certain spouse of mine.
These two circumstances (summer and pregnancy) have resulted in me rethinking my winter survival tactics because as of yesterday…the first warm day of the year, I felt like the wicked witch of the west because the only thing that went through my head was ‘I’m melting! Melting!’
Canadian Winter Survival Skills that Have Turned on Me.
#1 – Develop a healthy addiction to Tim Horton’s Coffee – There’s something about Tim Horton’s coffee that warms you like no other cup can. I’m not certain what they do to it but I’m willing to bet there’s some sort of additive besides the caffeine that has a huge number of Canadians lining up for their daily cup. Being pregnant, I am trying to go easy on the caffeine (it’s not great for baby, and it raises your body temp) but it’s proving to be extremely difficult to give up the Timmies.
#2 – Put a feather duvet on your bed – this expensive necessity for surviving a cold night has been left wadded up at the foot of my side of the bed for a few months now… considering my husband has been freezing to death and trying to pull it up on his side, it’s resulted in an inharmonious state in our marital bed.
#3 – Avoid shaving at all costs – during winter months, an extra layer of fur can help prevent you from freezing to death as you pump gas, bring in groceries or wait in line at Timmy’s (yes, the line is long enough to go outdoors.) Do not shave your fur off if you want to live, at any point during the winter.
#4 – Cover every exposed inch of skin with some kind of garment – Never let your skin meet the frigid air of the outdoors. You must wear gloves, scarves, toques, wool socks, long pants, sweaters etc. This is just common sense people. If your skin is bare…you will freeze.
#5 – A combination of #2 and #3…never wear shorts – due to the fact that you haven’t shaved in months AND your skin is beyond white from lack of exposure to air and sun, never…I mean NEVER wear shorts. It’s not right to expose the general population to the abomination of female gams that are Canadian post- winter legs. Shorts aren’t allowed unless you’ve been faithfully visiting a tanning salon all winter. And even then, an appointment with one of those evil waxing ladies is priority 1. As I have neglected to meet either of these conditions, my legs usually go no less clad than capri pants. Ankles can be de-haired easily.
Yesterday, as I met with our first heat wave of the summer, I realized that it was not the pregnancy biting me in the ass. No, it was my Canadian-ism. I have since shaved off all my fur, bought a pair of shorts AND curbed my Tim’s addiction.
Consider yourselves warned.
photo credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristic/