Thought I’d let you all know how things are going womb wise lately. I’m officially done work and on ‘vacation’ for the next week or so, then my maternity leave will begin. My OB has put me on medication to manage my pregnancy induced high blood pressure. First the dosage was too high and it left me feeling like I’d pass out. We’ve cut it back to a half dose but it’s still bringing my pressure a bit low. I can feel when it kicks in and I get cold sweats and I’m feeling really weak.
All of that is leaving me frustrated that I can’t ‘fluff my nest’ like I want to and it’s also leaving Little H wondering why mom is sitting on her butt all day. Poor kid is bored already – not sure what this coming winter is going to be like. The plan is to enroll her in a dance or swimming class for once or twice a week. Hopefully that will keep her engaged with some other kids and will let her be content on days we are stuck home.
Other than that, baby is growing well and kicking lots. He’s nearly done baking and will be making his grand appearance in coming weeks. We are all getting very anxious to meet him and little H asks everyday if he will be ‘coming out’ today. So far, no contractions or early labor symptoms to speak of but it’s still early yet. I’m at 37 weeks.
I’ll leave you with a poem / flash I wrote when I was pregnant with H. Seems my low energy has kept the muse away this time and it’s such a shame. I hope that I can write something specifically for baby #2 after he arrives…poor kid isn’t even born yet and he’s already stuck with his sisters hand-me-downs!
I was split years ago. I don’t feel the pain anymore but sometimes I awaken from a dream to the smell; the smell of burning from deep inside myself. It was lightning that hit me, split me and I’ve not been the same. Not really.
The surface wounds have healed and the moss holds me together. Most days I don’t even notice that my innermost self is out on display for the world to see. Most days I can feel like I used to. Quiet, reserved, stately – what a tree should be. But recently, there has been activity down in the crevice.
There is now life where the burning used to be. Birds. They’ve nested inside and I can feel their wings flutter. At first I was anxious about their presence. I would worry there wasn’t enough room for them, that I couldn’t provide what they needed. But now I wonder if I will miss them when they are gone. When it is just me and the moss and the quiet will they think of me as home?
Until then, I wait and feel them with me. I listen to their songs and cherish the company because even in a forest, life as a tree is lonely. I used to think it was what I wanted. Solitude. But since the birds came, I know I want more.