Over the last few days I’ve carried a lot of stress. There are many things contributing to it, the largest of which is my husband. No, it’s not like that. See he’s come down with a case of pneumonia, the diagnosis of which was pretty scary. He was hooked up to oxygen with grey lips and was in a lot of pain. That seems to be on the mend now – slowly. I also went for a few tests for my own health which have all come back ok but waiting on results put me into a tail spin of anxiety. There are a few other things that piled on top just for good measure and the end result was that I was a walking bag of nerves. I typically deal with stress very well. I focus on what I can do, what I need to do and just do it. But these are situations where I couldn’t do anything. Except wait.
I didn’t handle it very well. I found my pulse racing and my throat feeling tight. I felt like I was on the brink of a panic attack all day long. At night, I’d lie in bed listening to my heart thump in my chest as my mind ran through every possible scenario.
I went online and was reading through some quotes, looking for something that could help calm me. Distracting my brain by making it think of things other than what was out of my control was working a little. I came across one quote that instantly sent a wave of relieve over me. I didn’t book mark it or pin it or write it down because it struck me so hard I wasn’t going to forget it. But now that I wish to share it, I wish I had to be able to share the source. Oh well, I made a graphic and hope that if you’re feeling anxious you can remember to think about the moment you’re in and how at that moment you are ok.
Driving to my doctors appointment to receive the results of my tests was a particularly bad time. I couldn’t believe everything was alright until I KNEW everything was alright. I stopped the frantic speculations of my mind and thought about the moment I was in. I was driving in my car. The sun was coming through the window and warming my face. The skies were a bright blue and weather was perfect for a nice drive. The music was all around me and the traffic was flowing. It was a good moment. It was a safe moment. Nothing was wrong in that place in time. I relaxed. I drove to my appointment not thinking of anything unless it was actually happening at that space in time. A child walking to the park with his mom. A dog sniffing a tree. A bird with a beak full of string for her nest. These things were not stressful. These things were life, happening all around me. And my life was happening too and it was good.