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Potty Training Thoughts – Mental Dribbles

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This is the second child I’ve trained to use the toilet and I have a few observations on the process this time around.

Whoever designed toddler sized toilets for public spaces is a saint.

Whoever decided to equip them with automatic flushers is a sadistic freak. I hate you.

The people who design potty seats are incompetent and should all have their jobs taken away. How hard is it. Really? Is it really that hard to make a toilet for toddlers that doesn’t leak urine all over the floor? Or that can be emptied out easily? You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

It’s remarkable how quickly a child who is learning to use a toilet realizes that this is a get out of bed free card. “I need to pee! Well, I have to get up and try at least! Mom can’t say no to that!”

My son was reluctant to do #2 on the toilet and instead would wait for a pull up at nap time to unload. As any good parent does, I offered a bribe. “Poop on the toilet and you can have a cookie!” And now I think of these small, easy to make, gluten free cookies as ‘poop cookies.’ It sickens me that my brain is doing this to me.  It’s obviously a sign of insanity.

This:


This:

trainingIt appears I need more in my life to get excited about these days.

I always said I’d never buy those toddler butt wipes, you know the ones you use instead of a baby wipe because they’re flushable?  Those.  I bought them and use them and will buy them again.

There’s something about using a toilet as opposed to a diaper that makes wiping up the mess a thousand times more disgusting.

When you’re on an unscheduled phone call with a PR rep you’ll hear “My poo not coming out!  I’m all done!” on repeat until the phone call is over and you can remove your child from the can.

Pants are overkill. Nobody needs pants. Especially not while out on the back deck in view of most of the neighbours kitchen windows.

We haven’t tried teaching him to use a urinal yet. I’m sure that will cause a whole new set of dribbles but I’m passing that onto my husband. That’s HIS fun. I don’t have the capacity to handle any more and besides, I’m not 100% sure on the equipment involved nor the technique and etiquette required there. Mama OUT.

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Comments

  1. LOL I’m only laughing because I am living this nightmare with you! I never thought that I would wish for diapers again so much in my life.

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