At the top of her pyramid she lists some things that aren’t necessary for survival, or a measure of self worth or friendships even, but things that are necessary for true contentment.  Way up there, in the “Self Actualization” section she lists: Time to think, read, create, hobbies, passion and adult conversation.

This top level of the pyramid won’t just happen for you.  Not with the wiping of noses, the packing of lunches, the laundry and vacuuming and blowing of bubbles.  It is work to find time for reading, creating and hobbies.  It’s difficult to find our passion after long days of pouring our hearts out to fulfill the needs of others.

These top level activities are the very things I try to write about here at Maternal Spark.  I do this because I know they are important for my happiness – and yours.  Remember to nourish this part of yourself on a daily basis because we all deserve to be happy.  We all deserve to grow our full selves and learn what makes us flourish.

There will come a day when our children no longer need us for things that used to take up much our our time. One day they will move out and have babies of their own and then what will we be if we’ve neglected this portion of happiness?

Things you can do right now to work towards a full and happy mind:

• Read – it doesn’t have to be much, a page, a chapter, a blog entry.  Go read something you enjoy.

• Reflect - take a moment for yourself and mentally walk through an activity you enjoy, but don’t have time for. Think about the smell of your paints, the feeling of brush on canvas.  Or if you’re a knitter think about the softness of the wool and the sound of the needles clacking together.  It will fire you up and encourage your passions.
• Reserve – Plan to set aside a bit of time to get hands on with your creativity.  Find an hour.  An hour where you can send the kiddos packing for a picnic in the park with their daddy.  An hour where you can dive into something that feeds your top level needs.  Just an hour, it’s not much but it’s the difference between connecting with yourself and, well, not connecting with yourself.

Reviewing this diagram has also made me reflect on the fact that I’m very fortunate to be able to focus efforts on the higher level items.  I’m lucky to be in a safe home with food in the fridge and a loving family who supports who I am.   I feel very grateful at this moment, how about you?

thanks to Megan for permission to share her diagram on Maternal Spark!

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photo from konkas' photostream

Maggie sucked in her lips. Steam rose from the kettle as saturated tea leaves floated down in the blue stained teapot.  The last of the tea. When she’d have the energy to get more, who knew? Turning, she gazed at the fly-specked calendar.

May 5! Three days till her birthday. How old would she be? Well, didn’t matter. Sam was coming. He said he’d come for her birthday and that was good enough for her.

Settling in her multi-colored afghan-covered chair, Maggie blew on the mug of brew. The hot cup comforted as her wrinkled hand snuggled it against her chest. Pulling a hanky from her sleeve, Maggie wiped the edge of the cup.

She’d have to clean the place for Sam’s visit; move a year’s worth of newspapers, for one thing. Glancing around the crowded apartment, Maggie wondered what her successful son would say about the place. He’d never been here. Always busy. Important. That was her Sam.

But this year! He’d written at Christmas saying he’d bring flowers, personally, on her birthday. They’d go to church when Sam came, and round to see the neighbors. She’d show him off.

Her birthday. Let’s see. If this is l958, I’ll be 83. If it’s l959, that would make me 84.

Almost as old as Ma when she died. Maggie shivered and pulled her old green sweater around her wrinkled neck. Ma, the strapping Irish woman who’d borne eight kids and raised four. She still missed Ma. It’d been different on Ma’s 83^rd. They’d had a big do – all the neighbors – lots of family. Sam, at five, had dressed as a clown and performed tricks that had Ma over the moon.

Wonder if Sam remembers those fun times?

Maggie jumped at the sound of a knock. Sam? As fast as her creaky bones would allow, Maggie shuffled to the door.

“Howdy, Miz West. Here’s your mail.” Mail time? Must be getting on noon. “Thanks, Joe.”

“Letter from Sam, I noticed.” The mailman waved as he left the stoop.

“Mother,” the letter began. “Hope you’re well. It’s your birthday again.”

Bless him. He remembers. “I’m sending a gift. Hope you like it. Janet helped choose it. We’re on our way to Europe. Another business trip, but some vacation. Maybe we’ll look up those Irish ancestors Ma was always talking about. If so, we’ll let you know. “Hope you’re doing ok. Janet sends her love too … Sam.”

On his way to Europe. He’d forgotten his promise. Maggie stared at the cold tea. Course if it’s business, he has to go. Well, at least she wouldn’t have to stir herself to clean the apartment. So he did remember Ma. Said he’d look up ancestors. My, I’m glad he recalls what Ma used to say. He’s a good son. A good grandson to Ma. Maggie leaned back, pulled out the hanky and blew.

Gail Denham has published a wide variety of short stories, news articles, and poems, plus hundreds of photos nationally and internationally.  Denham and her husband have four sons and thirteen grandchildren. Much of her writing involves family times, humor, and nostalgia. One of her greatest joys is being with family.

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We don’t ask our husbands to watch the kids so we can go off and do something we want. Right?

Well, why the hell not?  I know it’s hard to juggle and be everything to everybody.  I know it’s hard to set boundaries.  And I certainly know how little time we have to devote to things that we want.  But when what you want is key to feeding your individuality and mental health why shouldn’t we ask?

I’m not saying screw everyone else – look out for #1 but I am saying that doing what you need to do to be happy is important to the other members of your family too.  Take time for yourself.  Even if it’s only a 1/2 hour out of one day a week.  Take that time.  People will live without you for 30 minutes.  Nobody is going to feel neglected because you hid in the bathroom and soaked with your current read or because you scurried out to Starbucks to tap on your laptop.  Newsflash. They will live. They will be happy to see you return.  They will respect your time and you will be able to focus without resentment on their needs once you put your own to bed.

I’m writing this post because this is the second time in as many days that I’ve read about the guilt.  The other time was on twitter with my lovely friend Genevieve. We were talking about writing and things that we don’t necessarily love about the process….

to which I responded

So, how’s your Mommy Guilt?  Do you feel it?  Do you push it aside or do you let it overcome you?  If you’ve got any tips for working through it or any stories to share please do so in comments.  I know there are a lot of you out there who find yourselves spread thin and who might be feeling a bit lost in terms of balancing home life with your creative life so come say hi!

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1. Guest posting

Me: Hey Christy, come be the featured Creative Mom.
Christy: Ok! I’ll get back to you.
Christy: Hey, feature me sometime won’t you?!
Me: Ok, I’ll get back to you…

And on and on we went.  Complete proof that creative moms are some of the busiest of the bunch! I’ve really enjoyed getting to know Christy on Twitter where she’s known as @sra_nelson.  In fact, we’ve had an informal meeting of sorts set for Sunday nights where I ask ‘what’s inspiring you this week?‘ as I prepare for writing my Monday’s Muse Posts.  Christy always has something interesting to say in reply to this question.  If you are on twitter, you must follow this creative and dynamic mom and get her inspirations first hand.

Ok, enough of my babble – onto the interview!

H: How long have you been doing what you do?

C: I’ve been blogging since 2004 but I didn’t launch christynelson.net until December 2008. I decided I needed a place that I could devote entirely to crafting and not make my non-crafty family members bored at my other blog (craftyconservative.blogspot.com).

H: What do you like to create?

C: I just like to create. I love making things. Anything. I tend to get really obsessed about a craft for a while. Knitting was my latest obsession. I’m still knitting but now it seems my obsession is trying out as many cool things as I can and blogging about them. Knitting just isn’t quick enough for me to be knitting something daily. I also love paper crafts and sewing.

H: How did you get started? Are you finding success?

C: I’ve always been a crafter. I’ve also always been a bit of an entrepreneur at heart. When I was in grade school, making those beaded safety pins was all the rage. I remember making some and selling them. Then I decided to sell the beads and teach everyone else how to make their own. Now I’m finding success with my craft challenge. I sell a different packet of craft supplies each month and the participants each create something unique from the same materials. Right now we’re in the midst of voting for a winner. Each month I have a different prize sponsor to sweeten the pot a little bit. I thought my website would be more about tutorials—it still is—but the craft challenge has really taken off. It is a great way to motivate yourself to at least make something once a month. It’s cheaper than therapy.

H: Were you creative before you had children?

C: Definitely.

H: Have your methods changed?

C: I have to find quicker crafts, that’s for sure!

H: How do you find time to stay creative?

C: I make the time because I love it and I’ve made it my job.

H: Do your kids show any creative spirit?

C: My son is an amazing pianist. I consider that very creative. My daughter is at my side a lot when I craft. She loves to paint, color, and cut any thing you can into tiny bits.

You can visit Christy at http://christynelson.net and http://christynelson.etsy.com

FYI if anyone would like to participate in the May craft challenge, the deadline to purchase your packet is April 27th. You can find out more about the challenge at this FAQ page.

Thanks so much for finally coming by, I’ve really enjoyed having you Christy!

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