For Want of a Fart

Fart a Rainbow
tee hee

What is it about my babies that causes them to stay awake fussing (that’s the ‘nice’ term for writhing, grunting, crying and squawking) all night because they can’t seem to squeeze a fart out?

Many people *not naming names* can fart on command…can fart at the pull of a finger…can fart without musical fruit or want of a tummy crinkling belly laugh.

Sleep is the optimum state for releasing gas…everything is, ahem, relaxed. Why for the love of all that is flatulent can the baby not just let one rip so we can all get some rest.

Let’s not mention the fact that he’s still eating all night long either. At this stage (he’s 5 months old) I’m still up a minimum of twice a night to feed him. Let’s not count the 10.30 feed because normal adults are still up at that hour, although, I’d really love to be asleep by then. If we do count the 10.30 feed then he’s eating three times in the night. Add two fart wakings and he’s up pretty much ALL DAMN NIGHT.

This mama wants some sleep.

So this is my plea –

Dear sweet adorable and chunky baby boy:

Please learn how to toot. Pull a right cheek squeak. Cut the cheese. Play the butt tuba. Dust the crops.

We’ll all be happier for it!

Love your tired Mom.



  1. It seems like farts are just built into boys. Mine was running around today and was going ‘super fast’ because he was farting. I’m only sorry that your little guy seems to be having a hard time finding his “voice”

    • oh never fear – our girl has no problem farting (now, she was the same as the baby when she was little) and even does it in a crowded movie theatre….should talk to her about that!

  2. A call for you on line toot. 🙂 I just had to read this post. Great title. HIlarious words!

  3. I really don’t want to laugh. I really don’t. But all those different words for it and the oh so beautiful and heartfelt way you’ve written this post are a little much for me to hold. Add to that the fact that your just saying this gives me awful flashbacks! My emotions are just all over the place for you.

    Boy, do I wish you some great sleep. Let the sleepy mist hit him just right and the toot poot fairy visit right before he dozes off! I hope it’s the largest stinky one that fools you into thinking it’s more than a farty!

  4. I feel for you sweetie. I lived and breathed by baby gas drops with my youngest. He had colic and Lord knows what else, but after three months of non-stop screaming, I was praying for farts like nobody’s business.

  5. Two words – gripe water. My youngest had the same issue. He wouldn’t burp, then the gas would work its way into his abdomen and he couldn’t fart it out either. It was hell. We put a dose of gripe water in every bottle (you could give it before every feeding), and life was A LOT better. It’s natural too if you worry about giving your kids meds. And those Mylicon drops? Pfffffffttttt. They don’t work worth a fart.

    • the gripe water has really worked well for his reflux which he is starting to outgrow (thank god, I’m getting barfed on a little less) Maybe I should use it more often..thanks for reminding me that we’re almost out!

  6. I have to agree with Amanda… Gripe water saved us! I hope he farts soon! (Oh and I’m SO glad I’m not the only one who finds farts amusing)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Something is wrong.
Instagram token error.